Text Jokes
| Life is always a choice! |
Read this, and let it really sink in...Then choose how you > >>> >> start your day tomorrow... > >>> >> > >>> >> Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a > >>> >> good mood and always has something positive to say. When > >>> >> someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, > >>> >> "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique > >>> >> manager because he had several waiters who had followed him > >>> >> around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters > >>> >> followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural > >>> >> motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was > >>> >> there telling the employee how to look on the positive side > >>> >> of the situation. > >>> >> > >>> >> Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went > >>> >> up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a > >>> >> positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" > >>> >> > >>> >> Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, > >>> >> Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a > >>> >> good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to > >>> >> be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can > >>> >> choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I > >>> >> choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me > >>> >> complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining > >>> >> or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the > >>> >> positive side of life." > >>> >> > >>> >> "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. > >>> >> > >>> >> "Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When > >>> >> you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You > >>> >> choose how you react to situations. You choose how people > >>> >> will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or > >>> >> bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live > >>> >> life." > >>> >> > >>> >> I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the > >>> >> restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost > >>> >> touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice > >>> >> about life instead of reacting to it. > >>> >> > >>> >> Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you > >>> >> are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left > >>> >> the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint > >>> >> by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his > >>> >> hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. > >>> >> The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found > >>> >> relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. > >>> >> > >>> >> After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry > >>> >> was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets > >>> >> still in his body. > >>> >> > >>> >> I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I > >>> >> asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be > >>> >> twins." > >>> >> "Wanna see my scars?" > >>> >> > >>> >> I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone > >>> >> through his mind as the robbery took place. "the first thing > >>> >> that went through my mind was that I should have locked the > >>> >> back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I > >>> >> remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or > >>> >> I could choose to die. I chose to live." > >>> >> > >>> >> "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. > >>> >> > >>> >> Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept > >>> >> telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me > >>> >> into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the > >>> >> doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I > >>> >> read 'he's a deadman.' I knew I needed to take action." > >>> >> > >>> >> "What did you do?" I asked. > >>> >> "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at > >>> >> me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything." > >>> >> > >>> >> 'Yes," I replied. "The doctors and nurses stopped working as > >>> >> they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, > >>> >> 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am > >>> >> choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not > >>> >> dead'." > >>> >> > >>> >> Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also > >>> >> because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that > >>> >> every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after > >>> >> all, is everything. > >>> >> > >>> >> You have two choices now: > >>> >> 1. Delete this. > >>> >> 2. Forward it to the people you care about. > >>> >> > >>> >> Hope you will choose #2. > >>> >> I did.
Collections
=--= A catholic priest, a protestant minister and arabbi were discussing how to handle the
contributions to the church. The priest says; I take a piece of chalk, draw acircle, throw
the money up and whatever land in the circle is God's, and therest is mine. The minister
says: I draw a line, throw up themoney and whatever lands on the far side is God's, and
what lands on my side ismine. The rabbi says: I throw up the money and whateverGod wants
he takes- and what comes back down is mine.
These are
actual answering machine answers recorded and verifiedby the World Famous International
Institute of Answering Machine Answers.
1. My wife & I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'llleave your name & number we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons iswhy we'renot here. So leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I alreadysent themoney. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends,you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so youcan talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
7. (From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leavemessage, Icall you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!
8. Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is therefrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable ofreceiving messages.My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and theircarpets areclean. They give to charity through their office and do not needtheirpicture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name andnumber and they will get back to you.
10. This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, yourreason forcalling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
11. Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don'tlike. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone rightnow.Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probablyaren't home and it's safe to leave a message.
14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right toremain silent.Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
15. Hello, you've reached Jim & Sonya. We can't pick up thephone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likesdoing it up & down, and I like doing it left to right.......real slow..........So leave a message, and when we get done brushing our teeth we'll get back toyou.
Ten Signs That
You've Had Too Much Of The 90's:
1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask if they're ready to go to lunch.
5. You chat on-line regularly with a stranger, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
7. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
8. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person
9. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
10. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial a "9" to get an outside line.
